


Patience

by Shadow15



Category: Gintama
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Memory Loss, Out of Character, Psychosis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 20:07:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14818035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow15/pseuds/Shadow15
Summary: In which Katsura suffers psychosis and memory loss from a previous accident, and Gin has learnt to ignore the fact that his boyfriend’s best friend is an imaginary giant duck.





	Patience

“Hey, Gintoki?”

Addressed male lifted the Jump manga that was hiding his face from view.  Silver hair rustled from the breeze of the fan on the coffee table beside him as he tilted his head over the armrest of the couch to see who was speaking to him.  He blinked as he noticed his boyfriend standing behind him, with the tips of his fingers prodding together as a red tint crossed his cheeks. He lips twitched slightly; sometimes he wondered if Katsura knew how cute he was in these moments.  “Yeah?”

“Umm…” Katsura looked beside him before he uttered in a shy manner, “You ask him, Elizabeth…  No, you do it…”

Gin ignored the fact that his lover was talking to someone who wasn’t there.  He reached out and tugged at the sleeve of the other’s yukata to gather his lover’s attention.  “What’s wrong, Zura?”

“U-umm…” Katsura’s cheeks reddened further.  “…E… E-elizabeth wants to know if we can go out for lunch today…”

If it were anyone else, Gin would have teased them to no end, but he never had been able to bring himself to so much as _mention_ his lover’s psychosis disorder.  It was a touchy subject between everyone who knew of the long-haired male’s accident that had left him with a head injury not even one year ago - and, consequently, a giant duck as a best friend that had been dubbed Elizabeth.  It was quite strange that Katsura saw nothing wrong with Elizabeth, although to be fair, even as a child Katsura had never been all there.

“I want to – I-I mean…  Elizabeth… Elizabeth wants to go to the teahouse again…” Katsura’s face was burning from shyness right now, another thing that was wrong with the picture but still understandable; the head injury had been terrible, and even though no one even knew what had happened to have once found him on the ground with a puddle of blood around his head, it had been severe enough for Katsura to have adopted an almost completely different personality shortly after waking up in the hospital.

Gin couldn’t help but let out a fond chuckle.  He tugged his boyfriend onto his lap so he would wrap his arms around thin hips and ask, “Are you sure it’s Elizabeth who wants to go there?”

Katsura nodded furiously as he tried to fight back his blush.  “Uh-huh. Ask her if you don’t believe me!”

The silver-haired male sighed.  It was hard sometimes, playing along with his lover’s hallucinations, but it just wasn’t worth the headache to try and tell Katsura there was no duck in their house; for some reason, it always ended in tears on the smaller male’s end and Gin apologising for something he shouldn’t have to.   

But still…  Gin really did love the young man he had known since childhood.  

“Elizabeth, is it true?” Gin waited a solid five seconds before he turned his attention back to Katsura.  He placed his hand on the side of the smaller male’s head and patted affectionately. “Okay, Zura. We can go there.”

The two youngest of Gin’s dysfunctional family, who had been somewhere else in the house as the conversation took place, came barrelling into the room now with excitement on their features.  

“I want to come!” Kagura, who never seemed to lean the meaning of personal space, jumped the coffee table and sat on Gin’s chest.  “Can we come, Gin-chan?! Please?!”

Gin took a moment to control himself; as he felt his boyfriend tense up, his overprotectiveness kicked in, and it was taking everything he had to not yell at Kagura for upsetting him.  Instead, he spoke calmly. “You guys can come, but get off me; you know you scare Zura when you do things like this!”

Kagura’s apology was lost on Gin as he moved his boyfriend and sat up.  He rubbed his forehead before he got to his feet to get himself ready; sometimes he worried badly, but he couldn’t help it; having found his lover like that…  

It was the reason Gin had insisted Katsura live with him after the hospital let him go.  It was hard enough having to teach the him to love Gin again after massive sections of memory had been wiped out, so to lose him completely…

Gin couldn’t let it happen, and he _wouldn’t_.  

“Oi, Zura.” Gin’s hand clutched a smaller one tightly.  He tugged his boyfriend along, into their bedroom where Katsura had been the only one besides himself to ever step foot inside.  “Forget Elizabeth and let’s get ready.”

Katsura obeyed.  His bare feet tentatively crossed the floorboards so he could stand off to the side and watch his boyfriend find his shoes.  His cheeks flushed again as he caught sight of the messy futon on the other side of the room, with evidence of their nightly activities in plain view of whoever were to peek past the door.  

Katsura shuffled his feet as anxiety swelled in the pit of his stomach; Gin didn’t understand how hard it was for him to allow himself to engage in such activities with someone he could barely remember.  Even though everyone had reassured him that they had been in a serious relationship, it still wasn’t easy for him to love Gin back. He knew how hard the other was trying, how desperate Gin was for him to be that same person he had known before the accident; it was only too clear from the way the silver-haired male made love to him at night, with desperation and despair hidden well but still oozing out of their confines whenever Gin’s mask of contentment wilted and Katsura knew he ached for his old lover.  

“What are you doing, staring off into space like that?”

Katsura almost jumped as the voice broke through his thoughts.  He looked to his lover, finding the stronger male slipping into the last boot now.  He frowned. “…”

Gin’s expression dropped as well, and panic surged through him rapidly; was Zura okay?  He wasn’t going to lose him, was he? “Zura? If that damn duck said something to you, I’ll…  Elizabeth! Elizabeth, the hell did you say to him?!”

Katsura’s voice was tender, and with the way he spoke barely above a whisper, Gin could tell he was close to tears.  “It’s okay… It wasn’t her… I just… I was thinking…”

“About what…?” Gin’s voice lowered as well.  It wasn’t easy for him to be someone to lean against, but he _did_ try, and Zura was someone he loved so dearly…  “Are you okay, Zura? Come here; let me hug you…”

Katsura shook his head, and his feet didn’t move.  “I-I don’t want to hug…”

“Zura, what’s wrong…?” Gin knew to give the other some room, but he couldn’t say it didn’t hurt to have his lover push him away like this.  

“…Are you sure you love me…?” Katsura wrapped his arms around himself.  He stared at the floor, not quite sure how to voice his thoughts, but he was going to try, anyway; he had been plagued by doubt for long enough…  “Everyone… When you’re not around, everyone… tells me how I was before… They say I’m… _different_ …  Is it me that you love…?  Or is it the memory…?”

“Zura…”

“See?  They all say I used to get upset when you call me Zura…  But I don’t understand why because it doesn’t bother me… I’m not… the same person I used to be…”

“Zura, you _are_ different…” Gin scratched his cheek, careful as he tried to find the right words.  “But… Sometimes when you love someone so much, you just have to keep loving them anyway, no matter what, because they’ll always be that person dear to your heart, even if it’s sometimes hard to recognise them.”

Katsura blinked away tears.  He hadn’t noticed the way Gin had been moving closer to him until strong arms were wrapped around him, holding him against the other’s yukata.  He sniffed. “We didn’t… make love before… Did we…?”

“What does it matter how we did it?  Don’t you like what we do, Zura?”

“I-I do…  But someone told me you like… _other_ stuff…  They said you’d get bored of me if I don’t let you have your way with me…”

Gin’s fingers tightened in response to those words.  He growled. “Who told you that, Zura?”

“…I-I don’t…  I can’t think of his name…  He’s friends with the one who likes mayonnaise…”

“Souichiro…  I’m gonna kill him…” As quickly as it had reared its head, the anger vanished and only worry radiated from the silver-haired male.  He was gentle as he reached out and took Katsura’s chin in his fingers. “Zura… Don’t listen to him; I know you’re still a little bit scared of me because you can’t remember me very well…  I don’t want to scare you when we… _do_ things like that…  So please… Don’t listen to what _anyone_ says…  I’m sure they’re all – well… _most_ of them are trying to be helpful… but sometimes they mess up, and it’s okay; don’t hold it against them; they just worry about you like I do.  But I l-lo… I _love_ you, Zura…  Even when you wake up in the mornings scared because you’ve forgotten me again… I love you…  So much, it hurts.”

Ever so slowly, Katsura dropped his head to rest against his boyfriend’s chest.  His shaking hand slowly reached out and the tips of his fingers curled tentatively into the blue-tinged sleeve of Gin’s yukata before he let out a content sigh.  He didn’t know how to respond to those words, so he whispered, “Is it okay that Elizabeth just heard you say all that…? She won’t tell anybody; I promise.”

Gin sighed.  He grabbed the smaller male’s shoulders and put Katsura at arm’s length in order to stare into the other’s clouded eyes before he smiled gently and muttered, “What am I going to do with you, Zura?  Yes, it’s fine, but it only stays between us and doesn’t leave the room. Okay? Okay, _Elizabeth?_  Good.  Now go and get ready so we can leave.”

Katsura’s face flushed when warm lips kissed his forehead.  He nodded shyly before he broke away so he could fetch his hairbrush and make sure his long locks were nice and tidy.  He felt giddy when his lover took the brush from him and tenderly swept the shining raven locks into a neat ponytail; Gin was so kind and gentle with him, and even if he couldn’t remember much at all before the accident, he was sure Gin’s patience with him was the only reason he had been able to adapt to this strange, yet not unwelcome lifestyle he must surely have been happy with previously.  

* * *

 

Gin’s eyes snapped open and searched through the darkness engulfing him for the source of what had made his lover wake up screaming.  He instinctively tightened the hold he had around Katsura and pulled him tight against his chest, prepared to do whatever it took to keep the one he loved most safe.

But no matter how hard he worked his senses to find the danger, it soon became apparent that all it had been was a bad dream.

“Zura…?” Now that he could relax, Gin’s eyelids felt heavy with sleep again.  He raised his hand and lazily patted the other’s soft black hair. “What did you dream about…?”

A soft sob was Katsura’s reply as he snuggled closer to hide his face against Gin’s chest.  His slender fingers curled into the sleeping yukata Gin was wearing, but even with the other’s body heat all around him, he still couldn’t stop shaking.  “…”

“Zura, are you okay?” Gin wrapped midnight strands of hair around his finger.  “Did you have a bad dream?”

“G-gintoki…” Katsura sniffed loudly.  “Gintoki…”

“It’s okay; you’re safe.” Gin battled the exhaustion he was feeling so he could be there for his boyfriend.  ‘You’re safe.”

It took a while, but slowly Katsura stopped crying.  The room almost fell silent, with nothing but their soft breaths filling the air.  Gin smiled softly as he propped himself up on his elbow with his cheek in his palm as he watched the blurred outline of Katsura lay snuggled against him.  The fingers of his free hand made their way to the younger’s cheek where the tips ghosted across flesh damp from tears. “Hey, Zura?”

Katsura hummed softly.  He allowed his head to be tilted so his lips could be claimed by warmer ones.  He opened his mouth so their tongues could dance together, but when he felt calloused hands moving to grab his hips, he flinched and pulled away.  A thin string of saliva kept their lips connected, but by now the smaller male had all but recoiled.

“Zura…”  It wasn’t the first time his lover had become afraid of the intimacy they shared together, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.  He could understand it, though; being brought back from the hospital and pushed into returning affections onto someone who clearly knew _him_ but _he_ couldn’t _remember_ would likely have driven Gin mad, too.  “…S’okay, Zura; we won’t do anything tonight.  Let’s try to go back to sleep.”

“…” Slowly, Zura rolled back to face his lover, but he didn’t get close enough to cuddle this time; he just laid there with wide eyes and stared at Gin’s outline.  It was silent once more, until… “G-gintoki…?”

“What is it, Zura?”

“…” Cautiously, Katsura moved closer to rest his head on top of Gin’s chest.  “…Did I like… making love… before I lost my memory…?”

Gin bit down on his lip.  What did he say to the other?  Would he only scare Katsura more than he already was?  Their relationship struggled to remain stable due to Katsura’s condition; telling the truth could potentially destroy it.  

But still…  Katsura just wanted to make sense of the life he was now living…

Again, Gintoki’s fingers played with Katsura’s hair.  “…Well… Before, we didn’t make love… We talked about it a little, remember?”

Katsura swallowed thickly.  “…What… exactly did we do…?”

“Hmm?” With all the tenderness he had inside of him, Gin caressed his lover’s cheek.  “Do you really need to know, Zura?”

“…Maybe not…” The raven-haired male sighed.  “But I just… It doesn’t…”

“Shh…  I’ll tell you if you really want to know.”

“I do.”

Gintoki nodded.  “I don’t know what Souichiro said to you, but…  I’m really into the S&M play, and you liked helping me with my fantasies.”

“S&M?” Katsura tilted his head again so he could place a small kiss on the stronger male’s chin.  “But… You’re always so gentle with me when we lay together…”

“Only because I don’t want to hurt Zura,” Gintoki promised.  “I can get… really rough, and I know Zura gets scared of me… I don’t want Zura to hate me…”

Katsura raised his own hand now so he could dance his fingers across his lover’s cheek as well.  He shook his head and whispered, “I could _never_ hate you…  I don’t remember anything from before, but… you’ve given me so much love and comfort in what I _can_ remember…  It’s enough for me to think… that maybe… even back then… you really _do_ love me…”

As gently as he had before, Gin pressed their lips together.  This time he didn’t slip his tongue into the other’s mouth; instead they just stayed like that until Gin closed his eyes and whispered against pale lips, “Silly Zura…  Of _course_ I love you…  I always have…  No matter how long it takes, I’ll make sure you _know_ this.”

Katsura smiled to himself as he pressed his face against his boyfriend’s throat.  “I… I love you, too, Gintoki… Thank you for taking care of me…”

In response, Gin nuzzled his nose against Katsura’s.  He smiled. “That’s what boyfriends do.”

In the darkness, a blush went unseen upon Katsura’s cheeks.  He rolled himself on top of Gin’s body so their chests were pressed together.  His blush darkened as strong hands grabbed his hips and held him in place. He ducked his head and whispered, “I want… to try S&M with you…”

Gintoki chuckled.  “We can do that. But it’s really late right now; wouldn’t you rather get some sleep?”

“Well…” Katsura flushed scarlet when he felt himself being moved to lay back down next to Gin.  He lay complacently as the blankets were pulled back over him and he was tucked in tight; maybe Gin was right and it was time to sleep; he _was_ starting to feel tired again after all.  “Maybe…”

Gin felt so warm in his chest.  He kissed Katsura’s cheek before he rolled back onto his side and held his lover in a protective hold.  “Goodnight, Zura. I love you.”

“I love you, too…” In Gin’s warm arms, Katsura felt safe enough to fall asleep once more.


End file.
